Things I wonder

I just got back from a whirlwind 6 day business trip to London, where I attended an extraordinarily fancy mobile industry 'summit' where I ate lobster and duck and swapped business cards with many people exponentially more wealthy than I will ever be. I also got to see my mom and celebrate the birth of a new member of our family, Annaliese, my niece/her granddaughter. All that was great. It was also nice to let my brain wander a bit on the plane ride home and during the drive back to Ramallah. Some thoughts/experiences from the past week include:

• Having the single most gendered experience of my life being one of maybe 5 women at a 250 person conference, and definitely being the only one under 40, as well as the only one working at an NGO living in Palestine. There were three reactions to meeting me from the men in suits trolling about this shindig: (1) total exoticism (tell me more about the checkpoints, but you're blonde, wow!), (2) paternalism (I'd love to mentor you, you remind me of my daughter), (3) utter disregard (oh, NGO, how nice of you to do that work [eyes wandering over my shoulder]). Upside was, only a total jerk could be an asshole to a blond girl from Palestine doing development work, so I took advantage of my position to say stuff to people no one else could get away with, like telling the CEO of a major mobile company that his staff was a nightmare to work with. No way he could sass me in a crowd full of orientalist father figures! Instead, yes, I will take your personal mobile number so I can call you when needed. My old boss had a term for this which I will not use here, but man, was it appropriate for this situation.

• Realizing how much joy I have in my life here in Palestine by how much I missed it while in London; pork and freedom and safety are nice, but really boring. Not that I am not safely eating pork freely here as well. Sort of. The fire of injustice makes everything more delicious?

• Wondering when or if I will ever feel calm when heading through Israeli customs. Positing this experience against the experience getting into the UK, which took 2 minutes and where I was greeted with a smile, is insane. Must.remember.not.all.customs.are.like.this.

• Pulling back up to my apartment last night, and feeling the heat surround me as I get out of the car. It's summer here; spring was a short season. Feeling that weird disassociation that comes from business travel which I've experienced so much of, and realizing that I have a new desire to stay put. I can stay put here, or anywhere, but I am done travelling off and on. Then climbing up the stairs to my apartment, sharing a bottle of Spanish wine on my roof, talking about life and communism and poetry with the heat wrapping me up in a dry hug, and realizing that staying put here is exactly what I want to be doing. That was really nice.