Dear readers, I am so sorry I let so many things pass without writing about them. I was writing in my head, I was ACHING to write, but a deadly combination of inertia and general malaise let the weeks slip away like water. Really too bad, because I was composing one hell of a blogpost in my head as I sat weeping watching the Setember 11th commemoration events on TV. This is not my first September 11th spent in the Arab world, but surely the most bittersweet. But more on that later on in the post. In any case, it's been a busy time, both in my head and (shockingly, I know) outside of it. First off, Palestinian statehood.
On statehood.
Dust off your Palestinian flags and unwrap your keffiyahs because ladies and gentlemen, it's statehood time! Well, probably not, and what does that mean anyway, but as I'm sure you've seen in the headlines, team Palestine is making some big moves these days. 'Unilaterally' appealing to the most multilateral body in the world, Team Abbas and co. are set to make a stir on Friday. I'll be cheering from my car as I drive to Ben Gurion airport to pick a friend up. Here's hoping the ride home (over the river and through the woods to settlement areas we go) isn't full of armed hippie-Orthodox with dogs and guns and tear gas. Poor Matt (my friend who is visiting)...what a welcome to Israelestine that would be. On the upside, I am totally psyched to see some movement on this issue, and hope Friday's celebrations don't turn into Saturday's nightmare. To put it clearly: I am not afraid of Palestinians. I am VERY afraid of the Israeli reaction - be it settlers marching on Ramallah, total movement freeze or (highly unlikely) full-on army attack. IDF, if you're reading this, please do not attack the street below UNESCO. Love, me (the women who, according to your Interior Ministry, lives in Jerusalem).
On September 11th.
The 10th anniversary of this day somehow really destroyed me. Call me an idiot, but I really believe in America. The bootstraps and the meritocracy and the social mobility and the individual agency - maybe I've been lucky enough to live in a family where a lot of the American epic has played out, but I do believe so strongly in that city on a hill. I also think September 11th was a moment when the world could have shifted on its axis for the better - an opportunity to reset the human narrative train tracks, so to speak. The collective mandate the US had in the days and months after the attack was a testimony to the good in all of us, a real opportunity to forge ahead bravely in the recognition that the world is too small for hatred and violence and war - to lead a new era. Instead, ten years later, the divide is worse than ever, the victims number in the millions, and the US undertook actions that destroyed any and all moral authority it once had. The city on the hill doesn't have Abu Ghraib, nor Guantanamo. I don't see why people didn't see the Arab Spring coming - you have a youth bulge and you have the internet allowing youth all over the world access to information, the 'outside world' and each other in new and dynamic ways. Patience, patience. Instead it's 24/7 out out damn spot for the American crew. History is long.
On homesickness.
I've caught myself feeling homesick lately, which is the first time ever. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss a sense of belonging and community - I want to walk to the Starbucks near my house in Boston in shorts, get an overpriced latte, pet some stranger's dogs and take a nap in a public park. I want to do all that and for it to be normal. I have tried to suss out what's going on here, and I think it's this: I'm older. Being 23 and living abroad is different from being 25 and living abroad is different from being 28 and living abroad. 23 = people still call you their daughter and force feed you while you lie on their couch, thus propagating the endless childhood you wanted anyway. 25 = you marvel at your good luck while you whizz around some country on the back of a motorbike doing dangerous, adventurous things. 28 = the family that used to feed you now inquires with a worried look when you'll get married and you don't have time for the fun adventures because you're job is too intense and you have actual responsibility. I think I'm ok with this realization. I still thank my lucky stars I live here, I still love my job a lot, I still feel very fulfilled. I also happen to want to be sucking down a smoothie while I drive to yoga class in my car in some leafy american place. Working on getting the two to fit together, folks, working on it.
On solitude.
I've lost my solitude mojo. I went through a real solitude phase where I loved being alone. Now I am weirdly obsessively social. I gotta get back to the solitude thing. Much better.
So that's it. We'll see what happens this week - all remains quiet for now. Checkpoints are definitely worse already. There's awesome UN/Statehood themed billboards and tshirts everywhere (note: my tshirt collection is enviable). Otherwise all is quiet on the Eastern front as we all wait for Friday, and after.
On statehood.
Dust off your Palestinian flags and unwrap your keffiyahs because ladies and gentlemen, it's statehood time! Well, probably not, and what does that mean anyway, but as I'm sure you've seen in the headlines, team Palestine is making some big moves these days. 'Unilaterally' appealing to the most multilateral body in the world, Team Abbas and co. are set to make a stir on Friday. I'll be cheering from my car as I drive to Ben Gurion airport to pick a friend up. Here's hoping the ride home (over the river and through the woods to settlement areas we go) isn't full of armed hippie-Orthodox with dogs and guns and tear gas. Poor Matt (my friend who is visiting)...what a welcome to Israelestine that would be. On the upside, I am totally psyched to see some movement on this issue, and hope Friday's celebrations don't turn into Saturday's nightmare. To put it clearly: I am not afraid of Palestinians. I am VERY afraid of the Israeli reaction - be it settlers marching on Ramallah, total movement freeze or (highly unlikely) full-on army attack. IDF, if you're reading this, please do not attack the street below UNESCO. Love, me (the women who, according to your Interior Ministry, lives in Jerusalem).
On September 11th.
The 10th anniversary of this day somehow really destroyed me. Call me an idiot, but I really believe in America. The bootstraps and the meritocracy and the social mobility and the individual agency - maybe I've been lucky enough to live in a family where a lot of the American epic has played out, but I do believe so strongly in that city on a hill. I also think September 11th was a moment when the world could have shifted on its axis for the better - an opportunity to reset the human narrative train tracks, so to speak. The collective mandate the US had in the days and months after the attack was a testimony to the good in all of us, a real opportunity to forge ahead bravely in the recognition that the world is too small for hatred and violence and war - to lead a new era. Instead, ten years later, the divide is worse than ever, the victims number in the millions, and the US undertook actions that destroyed any and all moral authority it once had. The city on the hill doesn't have Abu Ghraib, nor Guantanamo. I don't see why people didn't see the Arab Spring coming - you have a youth bulge and you have the internet allowing youth all over the world access to information, the 'outside world' and each other in new and dynamic ways. Patience, patience. Instead it's 24/7 out out damn spot for the American crew. History is long.
On homesickness.
I've caught myself feeling homesick lately, which is the first time ever. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss a sense of belonging and community - I want to walk to the Starbucks near my house in Boston in shorts, get an overpriced latte, pet some stranger's dogs and take a nap in a public park. I want to do all that and for it to be normal. I have tried to suss out what's going on here, and I think it's this: I'm older. Being 23 and living abroad is different from being 25 and living abroad is different from being 28 and living abroad. 23 = people still call you their daughter and force feed you while you lie on their couch, thus propagating the endless childhood you wanted anyway. 25 = you marvel at your good luck while you whizz around some country on the back of a motorbike doing dangerous, adventurous things. 28 = the family that used to feed you now inquires with a worried look when you'll get married and you don't have time for the fun adventures because you're job is too intense and you have actual responsibility. I think I'm ok with this realization. I still thank my lucky stars I live here, I still love my job a lot, I still feel very fulfilled. I also happen to want to be sucking down a smoothie while I drive to yoga class in my car in some leafy american place. Working on getting the two to fit together, folks, working on it.
On solitude.
I've lost my solitude mojo. I went through a real solitude phase where I loved being alone. Now I am weirdly obsessively social. I gotta get back to the solitude thing. Much better.
So that's it. We'll see what happens this week - all remains quiet for now. Checkpoints are definitely worse already. There's awesome UN/Statehood themed billboards and tshirts everywhere (note: my tshirt collection is enviable). Otherwise all is quiet on the Eastern front as we all wait for Friday, and after.
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